Update

The days after my exam were great. I went out with my friends, had fun with them, did crazy stuffs with them. I guess a few months later, I won't have this chance anymore, not with these friends maybe.

I know that I will miss them a lot but I keep telling myself life has to move on.

Watched the movie "那些年，我们一起追的女孩” last night. It was a good show, especially for a Chinese film, it was good.

That show reminded me a lot of the stupid things I did with my friend Zhen Kai during my secondary schooling time. Haha... Thinking about it always give me a smile. We really did pull it off nicely. We got ourselves into troubles and troubles and troubles. Non-stop troubles. Haha... During that time, teachers and friends keep telling us to change. Some even look at us with a different spec, thinking that the both of us are nuisance or whatever. Indeed, that time was harsh for us especially when we had that kind of attitude of challenging people, or you can say pugnacious. However, looking back at those memories, I somehow don't regret even a bit. Personally, I think that those mischief we did back then gave us the colourful memories that we have today. They made our memories for secondary education as interesting as possible. But then, some people just can't forget the pass. They like to hold on to what you did (negatively) to them and judge you by that. What you did (positively) to them, rest assure, they will forget it ASAP. This is life. This is the dark side of human mankind.

Hahaha.. WTF..

About the love part, I don't know what to say about it. I admit that I sucks in this area nevertheless, I will improve and be a little bit more serious about it.

So, what is installed for me next???

Whatever it is, I know that there are many things which I need to change in order to be in the main stream. But it still depends.

It's still a long holiday ahead of me. Better use it wisely or else I will be lamenting again after it ends.

Update

And so tomorrow is my last paper - Chemistry( My worst subject )

Just can't find the "thing" with this subject. Anyway, I ain't here to talk about this.

Knowing the fact that tomorrow I will be sitting for my last paper gives me a peculiar feeling.

The last paper also means that everything is coming to an end. This whole foundation program has finally ended.

I can't believe it myself. It is just like I were here yesterday and now I am leaving, going to somewhere quite far. Jeeezz~ I just can't digest it.

So many things happened throughout this year. I barely have the chance to really consider my next option but time is pushing me to the border, leaving me at the cross-road without anything to count on.

I am not really sure whether I am ready to face the choice of my decision. So many things here. My friends, my family, my belonging, memories~ ~ ~

And now I am about to make a decision that will have me leave all my precious things behind and start something new yet risky.

However, I am always thrilled to know that I am leaving. LOL. How peculiar this feeling is, being a bit emotional yet anxious at the same time.

3 or 2 months left ahead of me...

Quiet...

Rain is invading Penang..
The weather is cold...
Then nights are quiet..
Go to the link below..
At nights like these, I personally like songs like this one..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJ2DrkgMkmk

Hope you guys like it ^^

The beginning after the end...

I couldn't say how shocked I was when I knew that my college life was coming to an end.
Though the whole course was intensive and short, apart from academic education, I learned a lot.
A year in college taught me many lessons in life.
I used to be a person who hold on to relations very tightly. For this character, I paid a lot of price for it. I went through a hard time letting go and forgetting.
But then, those hard times did not open up my eyes to realise the brutality and reality of life.
Not until I took a step into KDU.
Being in a new environment, I took some time to adapt to it. The food, the life, the accommodation, the people...
It required time. And with it, came knowledge.
This year was filled with excitement and anticipation. I kept worrying about my results. I wanted to start my Uni life. But then, being who I was, I still appreciate the time I had with my course mates. Nevertheless, I found out that, no matter what, it's still hard to really establish a sincere friendship. People kept saying that friends are just a tool to achieve something you wanted. Such statement became more and more valid as we grew older.
Though we only have 8 people in this course, this phenomena didn't hide itself. Some of them only talked to you when they needed your help. They really did that!
sigh.. At first, I couldn't accept it. I kept asking why. But then, now, I realised, there wasn't a definite answer to that.
Friends come and go. That's the reality of life.
Upon knowing that, I was happy. I grew up. At the end of days, my success will be the unit of measurement for everything. It's me and me alone.
This course is ending... Today is the second last day.... Tomorrow would be the last..
Yet, I don't feel sad or emotional about it. I actually feel happy. I am finally leaving Penang.
Nevertheless, there is a big exam ahead of me. I will conquer it.
The end of 2011 signifies the start of a very new chapter of my life. There are many things that I still have to learn.. either in the hard or soft way. Either way, I will learn. I will not forget the lessons I learnt this year.. Never..
With that, I will be stronger...

It is time

To be in a relationship, no matter what it is, you must be first be ready to sacrifice.
I have come to realize the validity of this statement.
Once, I used to think that it's possible to maintain something at the same time, gaining something new. But then, in the process of maintaining as well as adapting to the new environment, I found it very difficult to do both simultaneously. There might be some who can but I have to admit, I am not that one.
Never have I left home for such a long period before. I did not understand the function and the effect of distance to our daily life and also our mind. In other words, I underestimated the power of distance. Then, i was sad to acknowledge the fact that some of my friends failed to see partially or fully understand the the definition of distance. They still take it lightly and did not bring forth any kinds of action to get a step closer to the meaning and impact of distance. By knowing so, all I can do at the present is to embrace something new. Note that something new here consists of the negative and positive ones.
Leaving my comfort zone into another place for education sake, I met new friends. By doing so, changes came into life. Such changes only took a few months to revel it's effect on my life. I appreciated friends a lot. The ones I met were sincere, fun, true, adventurous, mature and good. All I could say is that it's my privilege to meet people like them. This would be the positive side of my recent changes. Yet, it was always true to say that we gain and lose at the same time. Friends, close friends were at the expanse. I did try to maintain how it used to be but obviously, I failed. Initially, I put the blame on me. However, as time passed, I came to realise that the fault wasn't at all mine. As we all clearly knew that magnificent things such as relationship worked in two directions. By saying so, I would dare say that I fail cause I was the only one who was on the move.
It was tiring and demotivating. As this problem carried on to a certain extend, I gave up. Nevertheless, I was filled with remorse. But then, I knew clearly that all these were part and parcels of life, of growing up. I just have to be ready...
In the entire growing process, different people will be stationed into your life. Get to know them, get along with them. As for the old ones, just let it be.
So, for all my 6 friends who are doing Ausmat with me currently, I do not know what to expect in the future. I no longer have the confidence and the strength to say that our friendship will last. I dare not. No. So what to expect? I do not know.. I do not know...
Noel, Aows, Mei Xin, Jophy, Lining, Weiyi... I do not know what to say for the times to come. But I dare say this: you guys have been good and true friends to me. Thank you.

Technology and Teenagers

Don't get confused. I am not promoting any phones or admiring them.
It was true that a few months back, I longed for a new phone. You can say it was to satisfy my materialistic desire or upgrading myself. Whatever it was, I did want to have a phone.
Now, I can still remember it vividly in my mind that during the time of purchasing a new phone, the great and utmost difficulty was the price. Each of them costed way above 1K. At that time, I wanted to use my own money. Even so, I could feel the aching feeling in my heart using my own money.
But after everything was over, I decided not to get one as my degree education would be very costly and I had to save some money.
After stepping out of the idea of having a new phone and the satisfaction once I really possess one, I came to realise that actually a phone is a phone. You get what I mean? A phone was a phone.
As we all know, the main objective of getting a mobile phone is to be in connection with other people. Apart from that, I personally do not think that a phone has anything to do with it. From the pictures above, i-phones, galaxy this and that, what are they actually for??? Messaging? Phone calling? Yeah.. That's a phone. Online? Game? "App"? Are these the real need of a phone? I mean, if you really love to online, get a laptop. If you really are a game fanatic, get a gameBOY or PSP. If you are crazy for apps.. then I do not know what you should get. Many would say that having a phone is different than having laptop. Well, all I can see is that having a phone that can go online randomly spoils our eyesight, kills many many of our cells and deteriorates the relationship between humans. People who have phones that can access the internet tend to go online both when they are alone and with people around them. I mean, can't you arrange your time so that you can go online properly and hang out with friends properly? Yeah, maybe for those working or businessmen, they should have one as it affects their career directly but for teenagers, nah~ i don't think so there is such a need.
What's worst, it's becoming a trend that everyone teenagers to own a flat piece of black mirror which you can make it work with your fingers. Sounds magical though. xD. Some would sacrifice many many things just to gain one regardless of the price. From this phenomena, I kept asking myself, why??? Why?? Why??
A phone like samsung galaxy or i-phone are very very very very costly. Yet, just to be in the mainstream, teenagers daringly emptied their pocket to replace the cash with a new device. And, they keep changing it. A new one comes, the old one goes. And let me emphasise it here, the old one REALLY goes. To where, God knows.
It is rather sad to know that teenagers, young people today are so manipulated by all sorts of trends. You name it and there is it. Trend, which consists of so much varieties of things, demands it's followers and admirers to spend just to be part of it. Unfortunately, those followers are willing to spend.
In times to come, it's hard to say what would it be for us. You might see a guy who looks very sophisticated with all sorts of gadgets and devices around this entire body. But then, he can't read or write. Is that it?
I certainly hope not.

Far far away.

Since the start of this AUSMAT course, i have been returning home every Friday night.
But for the very first time, last week, i went home on Saturday night, meaning, I only have a day's time at home.
For the second semester, i am obliged to take Malaysian Studies every Saturday morning. So I will have to spend another night in Penang.
When I went back, I met up with my friend, Zhen Kai and Elin.
Our first meeting wasn't a pleasant one as we had some argument but then everything turned out to be ok, just like it used to be.
Sunday morning, as usual, I went to church, helped my mum out with some church stuffs. After that, I went home, took some sleep then proceeded on with Marcus's piano lesson. At around 5pm, I went to play basketball with Zhen Kai at the market place. Very quickly, the time passed and without me knowing it, i was already packing my things, getting ready to go back to Penang. And now I am blogging in Penang.
Though it's just the first time having such a packed time-table, I felt something. Something different.
Penang island is not actually very far but when most of the time is spent there rather than your hometown, everything seems much further apart. When I went back, I felt distance, be it physically or mentally. There was an invisible gap between the place and I, the people and I. Though the feeling wasn't a great one, it was there. And for the first time indeed, I felt as if I was very far away. Very far away from "home". Even when I am back in Penang, the people here, the places, the atmosphere didn't present themselves in a familiar way either. At that moment, I had a small question popping in my head. I asked myself, where I am supposed to be???
It felt strange when you saw your close friends having expression that you didn't see it before yet he was doing it to another friend. Maybe it's sadness, maybe it's mere feeling. Nevertheless, it wasn't comfortable. I wasn't part of them. Never more. The best I could be was a listener. That's the best. Other than that, I guess I din't have what it took to be.
For the past few weeks, I learnt and trained myself to be stronger emotionally. not missing home and friends too much. And I succeeded. But this one, it's something new to me. It created an aching feeling somewhere deep inside me, yet to be found.
I wondered whether it's necessary to be lonely in the road to success? Or, was there any success??
Confusing the future yes.
Nevertheless, what must be done will be done first.
I just hope that the tie between all of us will not break easily, no matter where we are and what we are.
So that's it. The start of semester two. Something new lies ahead. Got to be ready for it, of course.
All the best, guys..

This or that leh~~~

Half of 2011 has passed.
Quick enough.
Meaningful enough??? Uncertain....

I am currently at a cross-road. At first, my heart was quite settled for Tasmania, Ocean Engineering in Australian Maritime College. But then, my mum heard from many people about the job prospect of this course. After some consideration, my mum requested that I put some thoughts whether or not to have a change in mind. Well, to be honest, I wasn't quite so happy when I heard that. But then, I knew my mum's concern and worries and so I started to reconsider. If I am not mistaken, I took approximately one week to achieve something.
I agreed to change my course into Chemical Engineering.
Now, this might sound weird for those who know me more.
For your information, my Chemistry SUX to the core. Nevertheless, I still got an A for my SPM. HAHA xD. And now I have agreed to take Chemical Engineering as my degree course and also, my future career. Funny? Without a second though, yes, funny indeed.
But then, I told my mum, with much determination, that I have decided and I was ready to take up this course.
My mum was quite happy to hear that. Knowing that she was happy, I was happy too. ^^
Then there was another problem.
Where to???
I have two options, either Monash University or Curtin University.
Guys, any opinions???

Not Pro Enough

If you do follow my blog often, you might realize that I have changed my title (Not Pro Enough)..
It might sound funny for some people who are older than me. Nevertheless, I feel that I am inadequate. I lack something, or maybe many things. This flaw in me has stopped me from becoming someone greater than what I am now, I might say someone that I am supposed to be.
Pretty messed up in my mind now...
Yet I just have this feeling and urge to continue on this post..
Cause there's no one for me to confide in...
I know, I crave, I want to be a successful person in whatever I do, though knowing pretty well that it's rather impossible for someone to be perfect in all ways.
When I was young, I often had a kind of feeling where some part of me wished to just jump out. Just jump out. You get the meaning? Whatever that I was doing then, some part of me just felt like jumping out and do better.
At the first stage, I literally ignored it. But now, as I am getting bigger, more exposure here in Penang, I seriously feel it in me. It's like a sound or some invisible force pushing every part of my body to go forward, to achieve something, to be someone great.
And, whenever I failed to do so, I blamed myself a lot.
That's why I feel that I am not good enough, yet. In whatever I do, I am not good enough. I am supposed to be better.. better...


I will be better..

Collide

～一首不被珍惜的曲子，弹来有何用～


时间还过得真快，明天我好多朋友要上中六了。真的替他们感到开心特别是她，在家里没事做，早点上学会比较适合她。
很多人去中六，镇凯，Elin,思恩，秀芬。全部一起去，他们都有伴，说句难听的，就像重复中一到中五的生活可是现在的设定就不一样了。之前，全部还小小，你不认识我，我不认识你。全部还幼稚，还不懂很多东西。可是在同一间学校五年了以后，对彼此的认识当然是更深一层。在这样的设定下，而且别忘记，彼此都是一起考SPM，一起在中五毕业的，又要重新在同一间学校继续读两年，真的有着很不同的环境和感觉。这样的“新”感觉，对一些人来说可能是好事，他们可能认为，很好啊，不用浪费时间再去认识新朋友。在那同时，也会有另一组的人觉得很显，又要穿校服，又要服从那支藤条，真是辛苦啊。
哈哈...
每个人有不同的看法，可惜，我无法体会到在那个情况里能有什么样的滋味因为我已经一个人在KDU读书了。一个人到那边读呢，好是在你可以有个新的开始，不必被以前的朋友纠缠。可是，你会很寂寞。真的会。
不相信的话你自己去试看 ^^
现在我身边的好朋友-镇凯，去Tunku读书了咯～
早上不能信息他了，除非他逃课啦～
唉～
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know why I have such a strange feeling when I get to know the reality that my friends are going to school tomorrow.
It's like, I am losing them or something cause I am so far away in KDU. This distance between us doesn't only apply to physical distance but also what each of us experience and undergo. It's totally different now. They might have topic to discuss with other friends from Tunku. This is only understandable as they are in the same situation.
So....
This is how I feel.




～顿时间的寂寞，又有谁明白咧～

Message to all...

hey guys...
once again, the motion of time did not fail to impress everyone...
i am already in KDU college for 3 months...another 6 more months and i am going away...
everything's been smooth and fine..
for now, what's really on my mind is to get good results, as good as possible in order to get scholarship in Tasmania next year..
sometimes i do wonder, am i actually suppose to do this expensive course in Tasmania? will i succeed? all sort of doubts...
cause my confidence do mislead me sometimes and i don't want this to happen when i am to make such huge decision....
i guess all that i can do now is to leave it all to God's guidance...
At the mean time, i have a word for my dear friends who are going to form 6 which will only start their lesson in the month of September( damn long >.<), appreciate the time that you have now no matter where you are. Do meaningful things and do not waste your precious time for useless affairs... before you start your studies, make sure you have made use of your free time fully...
So, everyone, all the best and God bless for the coming days, weeks, years..

Goodnight..

2010 SPM result

Actually I don't have much to say. Just wanna update my blog.
So, tomorrow I will be taking my SPM result.
Kinda nervous but I don't think it would affect me much as I am already studying now. However, I pray for a good result.
Most importantly, I am quite worried for my friends. I do really and sincerely hope that their result can shine as brightly as possible. Cause, if their results are good, they will be able to get scholarship for their tertiary education. My friends are smart people and I am sure that they deserve the very best. So, I hope all of us can have an awesome results.
I am pretty sure I will see some "new" friends tomorrow. "New" as in their physical appearance. LOL. That's for sure. It feels really strange when we used to be all like students and suddenly,just suddenly 3 months had passed. The speed of time never fail to impress me.
So guys, for those who are taking their results tomorrow, all the best!!! May God bless!!!!

Farewell...

one to the south.. another to the north..
one to the east.. another to the west...

separation...

Goodbye...

See you next time...

take care...

Miss you so much...

There won't be a gathering which will last forever...

Why must good friends and lovers separate??

Who can really describe the feeling???

Who can understand???

The one you wish to spend quality time with, yet you have to look at his/her back... fading away from your horizon... There's nothing much to do about it... all that can be done is a simple waive of the hand, telling you bye bye, see you again... yet.. what does that "again" means?? Does it have a certain time frame??

Saying goodbye is really hard...
Walking away from the one you appreciate most is really hard..
Cause you'll never know when will you see him/her again...
Unpredictable....

emo post

早知道爱会这样伤人
情会如此难枕
当初何必太认真

早明白梦里不能长久
相思不如回头
如今何必怨离分

除非是当作游戏一场
红尘任它凄凉
谁能断了这情份
除非把真心放在一旁
今生随缘聚散
无怨无悔有几人

一生中最重要的人

每当一个人问起这个问题，给现在的社会来说，自然而然就会讲是妻子或老公，其他的就不用想了，一定是那一位的了。

可是问题就在这边，一定是吗？？？肯定是吗？？？纵然你身边有着很多对你有恩的人，你一生中最重要的人一定就是你的女朋友了？？？一定就是你的老婆了？？？

现在的青少年里，有男女朋友的，不计其数。放眼看过去，还真普遍得紧。身边有伴侣，有人爱，也有人给你爱，可能已经是很正常的了。可是，不正常的是，他们之间的感情。

身为一个男生，我就从男生的角度来看了啦，女生的呢，嘿嘿，我还不是很清楚。

我身边的朋友一旦有了女朋友，身边的朋友就不要了。例子：一位男的通常下午都会打篮球，可是有了女朋友之后，因为要陪她或者女朋友不给他打，他就不打了。当朋友问起，他很理所当然地说，不要，女朋友不给，我要陪女朋友，就转身走了，把那些曾经和他一起快乐，一起伤心的死党丢在后面为了满足女朋友。

问起他时，他会说，女朋友目前是我最重要的人。当他这样说时，通常都会很满意，很自足地说。如果女朋友在旁边更惨 ！可是，好好地去思考，这个满意的感觉，这个满足，是值得的吗？是对的吗?是理智的吗？

好，我们用logic来看。

小明的好朋友，很好很好很好的，曾经帮了他很多。从一年级到中五是知己来的。两个人有难同当。经济上，学业上，社交上都从来不寂寞。一天，小明认识了小花。他们传了电，喜欢了对方，就牵手了。手一牵上去，那位小花在小明心里的地位自然而然地提升，甚至高过他的好朋友。

我们来想想，小明的好朋友以前，现在可能未来都帮了他那么多。那种的交情，不是普通的。他们之间所付出的一切更是另人佩服。但是，因为小明喜欢小花，小花就重要过小明的好朋友。这个算什么？因为爱所以爱？因为他喜欢她所以她比他更重要？因为小花是女的所以她有特权？因为喜欢的滋味很爽？

想来想去，一句话：不逻辑。

现在很多男生为了满足自己的女朋友而得罪了自己的朋友，甚至失去了自己本来的个性来配合那个女的。这样看来，那个女的是你生命中最重要的人？？？就因为你喜欢她，她喜欢你？？？

这种问题，还是让自己来回答的好。

对于那些很要男朋友的注意力，要男友这样那样的女生，其实你们很自私。因为他是你的男朋友所以他就是你的了？你有权利叫他不要这个不要那个为了个人的利益？可能那个男的没有个性，没有脊椎骨，可是你身为一个人，身为别人的女朋友，不应该利用那份感情来满足自己。

真正的喜欢，真正的爱，不是要求这个要求那个，而是付出那个付出这个。

嗯～如果你们还有什么意见，不妨说出来，分享分享

General idea of my life now

Second week in KDU.

Everything is progressing as routinely as possible. The classes, the time, the location and the activities after it. For now, I am spending 5 days per week in Penang in my so-called hostel. These 5 days pass by easily. Without knowing it, a day has gone and you can never get it back. The other 2 days I spend them in NT. Though it's only 2 days, I feel like these 2 days are much longer than those 5 days. Funny.

I am getting used to college life but something never change, you have to pay attention in classes just like in secondary and primary level. But for me, I prefer it here in college where the lecturers respect the students. They don't bring a "rotan" around and shut your mouth with it, or maybe express your authority through that miserable wood. What they do is they listen to your thoughts and consider it. If it's wrong, they will explain to you. Isn't that how learning should be???

One thing to be noticed, I really hope to meet the students from the next intake which is about 2 weeks from now. For now, it's only 2 of us in a class. At first it's suppose to be 3 but another one just dropped and terminated the course cause he is going over to India. So, it's just two of us. =.=. That kind of feeling when there's only two students in a class can be seen on my lecturers face every lessons. As a conclusion, I do hope desperately that the March intake will have more students.

But every time I am in Penang, whenever I feel lonely or boring, I keep reminding myself about my friends back in NT. They are waiting for me to return home and have a nice time with them. The feeling of having a group of nice people who are close to you waiting for you to return is really encouraging and comforting. That kind of morale support can really be converted into an energy which can push you to do whatever you want. LOL

And so, I just want to do my best while I am here in Penang, meaning, study real hard. Then when I get back to NT, I enjoy my 2 days there to the max.. hahaha

lately.. recently

Finally and finally.

Haha.

I have the mode and strength to blog again. Well you can give credit to Yineng who really did inspire me a lot to pick up where I left.

Actually now I am writing from a different angel.

Before this, well, I was a boy or to be more accurate, Form 5 boy still in my uniform and have to “selamat pagi cikgu” every morning (unless I ponteng la which I love the most, wakakaka).

But now I am different. I am in college and I’m 18. I live with my brother and I have to make many decisions on my own and of course, handle the risks on my own. Even if there are still my brother and parents here, I just want to learn to be responsible. That’s a crucial part of growing up.

For your information, I am currently studying in KDU, Penang campus. I am living with my brother at Lorong Selamat which is just a stone’s throw away from my college. So as it sounds, it is indeed very convenient for me to attend class early everyday. And also, I can finally attend class with air-con and without uniform. I’m loving it!!!

The course that I am taking is Australian Matriculation (AUSMAT) or to be more accurate is Western Australian Curriculum Education (WACE). It’s a 50% examination and 50% course work program which I think, suits me a lot as I don’t and can’t really compete with other people academically.

As a whole, life is indeed different here in Penang. One might say that by facing and accepting changes is a way to grow up. Well, you can say so but in one condition: you need to know what you’re doing and the choice you’re making. Don’t end up in a different path from the way you wanted it to be, or even worse, the wrong path.

You wanna know how different is it compared with life back at Nibong Tebal??

Here’s some examples. I am all on my own, excluding my brother. I don’t have anyone whom I really know here. Even in my class, I have only two Indian friends, Jay and Avinaash. Yes, that’s right. The program I’m taking consists of only 3 students. LOL. It’s because it’s a new course which was established at Australia last year. Everything is new. Not knowing anyone means these few days I just keep to myself. I study, eat, think and go to college alone. But don’t get the wrong impression. I’m not lamenting or being sad and EMO. I just need some time for certain adjustments.

Another difference is the way I’m getting my education. Maybe it sounds silly but college is INDEED really different from high school. The lecturers are responsible and they are good at what they do. Not like our teachers in high school where they have high possibility to be unable to answer the question for you. So and how lame =.=”. The lecturers here, they want to listen from you and not spoon feed you. They want to know what you’re thinking and whether you understand the whole lesson. That’s the important part in education.

In short, I kinda like it a lot. I admit that I do miss my family and my friends. I do miss the times where I can just go and have a basketball game with my friends near my place. But I know pretty well that if I continue my life in a change-free condition, I ain’t going anywhere. This is also a reminder for those who are unwilling to leave their home out of fear of changes. You just need to have some breakthrough.

Until then, keep in touch.