Once again I am here, facing my laptop with an inexplicable feeling. For now, it should be happiness and not what I am feeling currently. Yet, I fail to fathom the operation of my emotions.
The hasty pace of my current life robs the opportunity from me to stop and ponder. And right now, my only option left is to run with it and never look back cause if I look back, I might miss a step ahead. The more I have the anxiety to stop and contemplate, the faster time is slipping out of my grasp.
Recently, my study group with Gabriel just got a little bigger. The new members are nice people and their presence do add a little fun to the atmosphere. Everyone seems to be on their 5th gear, driving through all obstacles in a nick of time, smoothly and steadily. Amid the whole tensed up condition, someone would have been left behind. And who might that be?
This time, I am afraid I have to admit that I am the one. I am the One. This statement usually sounds cool and powerful but for now, it portrays an image of failure. The reason behind such negativity is, again, due to time. Time is running out, like it always do. The finals are approaching. Yet, I have no confidence of possessing any offensive strategy. History repeats itself. A sudden laziness invades my mental fortress. The composition of the invasion consists of a variety of feelings. For instance, the urge to return home as soon as possible, easily satisfied and most ultimately, laziness. The summation of these three major problems would cause me my first semester, that I am sure. I once said on facebook that a quality and meaningful respite is needed. On the contrary, I think I should reduce my resting time and quickly get down on it.
Why do I lack motivation? Why have I lost the willpower to strike and aim further and higher?
Oh please.. give me my strength.. or watch me live out the consequences...
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Hasty
A month more to go before I sit for my finals of my first semester. The duration between the exam and now is said to be neither short nor long. Whatever it is, I suppose the only thing to do with the time is to appreciate every second of it.
Week 9 was a very busy week. Most of days were spent with one of my close friends in Curtin at the library. It was like a daily routine for us to be there till late midnight to study through the required syllabus. I was glad that I was able to offer a helping hand to him whenever he encountered any predicaments. However, it turned out that I was the one who require my own attention. Ironic, wasn't it? But then it was always a great thing to help a friend. No regrets. Then, we had to deal with the weekly Math online quiz. Now that was a problem for the both of us as we weren't prepared for it. Thanks to some help offered by some kind friends, we were able to sail through it. Yet, I told myself, this would not happen again. Never. I had to admit that I failed to appreciate the importance of time as well as it's consequences if one failed to do so. I had been through many tough lessons but all of them seemed unable to sink in. I guessed there was still a piece of me missing. Somewhere. Would I be wasting this one-month of duration? I certainly hope not. It would be disastrous if it were to happen.
After the test, I thought I could finally feel a sign of relief. Nevertheless, I was very far away from feeling relief. I did not know the reason why I fail to breath in a peaceful air. Unlike the others, I did not have the happiness in me after coming out from the exam venue. Why am I so serious?
The next day, my close friend and I went to the Miri Open Volleyball Competition. Time traveled swiftly. Looking back from now, I couldn't actually remember what we did back then. Everything was like fast forwarding. It did make me creep a little.
On Sunday, which was the day after the volleyball competition, I was filled up with all the practices for the International Festival Concert. That was my first on-stage performance in Curtin. As a whole, it went well. I did a couple of spontaneous performance to cover up the technical problem. My ability to play anything at anywhere and anytime fascinated myself. For thus long, I kept thinking that my skills with the piano had gone rusty. I was proven wrong that night. Though I might be playing the same song, it still had the power to attract people's attention. And the great thing was, I did not freak out though the crowd was around hundred. I was happy, to myself but not to the entire organisation of the night. What I wanted to say was, they should at least make an introduction for me to go and play, not just randomly put up a performance just to cover up the shit laid by other people. Honestly, I looked stupid playing something in the middle of nothing without being called for by the MC. It would be much appreciated if something had been said to let everyone know why I was playing. Amid the whole chaotic arrangement of events, one of my lecturer said that I looked serious. I was grateful that my friend told me about it. Then, he started to say about my personality and attitude towards people. I appreciated his talk and opinions. Some of them were true and deserved my consideration. Yet, I was wondering, did I look serious? Why people kept saying that?
Hasty.
Everything was hasty....
A month more to go. I am going to make it count. But then, can I???
Week 9 was a very busy week. Most of days were spent with one of my close friends in Curtin at the library. It was like a daily routine for us to be there till late midnight to study through the required syllabus. I was glad that I was able to offer a helping hand to him whenever he encountered any predicaments. However, it turned out that I was the one who require my own attention. Ironic, wasn't it? But then it was always a great thing to help a friend. No regrets. Then, we had to deal with the weekly Math online quiz. Now that was a problem for the both of us as we weren't prepared for it. Thanks to some help offered by some kind friends, we were able to sail through it. Yet, I told myself, this would not happen again. Never. I had to admit that I failed to appreciate the importance of time as well as it's consequences if one failed to do so. I had been through many tough lessons but all of them seemed unable to sink in. I guessed there was still a piece of me missing. Somewhere. Would I be wasting this one-month of duration? I certainly hope not. It would be disastrous if it were to happen.
After the test, I thought I could finally feel a sign of relief. Nevertheless, I was very far away from feeling relief. I did not know the reason why I fail to breath in a peaceful air. Unlike the others, I did not have the happiness in me after coming out from the exam venue. Why am I so serious?
The next day, my close friend and I went to the Miri Open Volleyball Competition. Time traveled swiftly. Looking back from now, I couldn't actually remember what we did back then. Everything was like fast forwarding. It did make me creep a little.
On Sunday, which was the day after the volleyball competition, I was filled up with all the practices for the International Festival Concert. That was my first on-stage performance in Curtin. As a whole, it went well. I did a couple of spontaneous performance to cover up the technical problem. My ability to play anything at anywhere and anytime fascinated myself. For thus long, I kept thinking that my skills with the piano had gone rusty. I was proven wrong that night. Though I might be playing the same song, it still had the power to attract people's attention. And the great thing was, I did not freak out though the crowd was around hundred. I was happy, to myself but not to the entire organisation of the night. What I wanted to say was, they should at least make an introduction for me to go and play, not just randomly put up a performance just to cover up the shit laid by other people. Honestly, I looked stupid playing something in the middle of nothing without being called for by the MC. It would be much appreciated if something had been said to let everyone know why I was playing. Amid the whole chaotic arrangement of events, one of my lecturer said that I looked serious. I was grateful that my friend told me about it. Then, he started to say about my personality and attitude towards people. I appreciated his talk and opinions. Some of them were true and deserved my consideration. Yet, I was wondering, did I look serious? Why people kept saying that?
Hasty.
Everything was hasty....
A month more to go. I am going to make it count. But then, can I???
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