Being bedridden for about three days is like totally sick... hate the feeling and yet, there's nothing you could do about it... lie on the bed, suffering, being tormented by something untouchable... disgusting.
Everything is spinning, even myself... what can I do?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Thanks
so, life proceeds on with nothing to look forward to.. except for non-stop studying... >.<
As my brother is spending almost the whole week there in Penang, preparing for his exam which will determines his fate in the future, I spend my time in N.T almost alone everyday. Well, it's not to say that I am segregate myself or keep myself in solitude, no!! And, usually when my parents are busy, I spend my time with my younger brother, Marcus who is only 11 years old. The age gap between me and him had arose many problems especially communication problem. So, honestly but guiltily, I seldom finish up my own things and only peep at him to ensure that he is save.. That's all. Apart from that, I find it hard to interact with him much. (Fine.. I will try and get things better. )Therefore, my time is usually spent with my friends, best one of course like Zhen Kai, Yineng and Elin. I once had an idea of adding maybe one or two girls into my social circle. I did try although I admit that my ways are sometimes wrong but I am sure that my sincerity is genuine. And so I tried. After countless attempts and obstacles, I failed. Well, upon hearing or facing failure, one might feel sad or dissapointted but somehow, I didn't feel so. I am quite glad I failed. HAHA.. funny right? well, let me share this little secret with you. After my failure, I realised that, even though they ain't any but only one girl at my side, what's the matter?! I don't care!! hahahaha!! that's what I felt, I don't care!! Even though people around me often say that I am proud, arrogant, controlling people, take friends as dogs, what do I even care?!! As long as I feel happy with these three nice friends, I don't care! I am who I am! By the way, the fact that I have three buddies with me is enough to prove them wrong.. yaya!! hahahah!! WRONG! BUSTED!!
I also want to thank God for blessing me with such nice and good friends. They help me, comfort me and brought a lot of colours into my life. Thanks pals... I hope that Zhen Kai ( or you may call him Ong, Star, Howard, Kosmos... lol!) can read this.. I appreciate every one of you guys... Hope our friendship can last as long as we live.. HAHA
As my brother is spending almost the whole week there in Penang, preparing for his exam which will determines his fate in the future, I spend my time in N.T almost alone everyday. Well, it's not to say that I am segregate myself or keep myself in solitude, no!! And, usually when my parents are busy, I spend my time with my younger brother, Marcus who is only 11 years old. The age gap between me and him had arose many problems especially communication problem. So, honestly but guiltily, I seldom finish up my own things and only peep at him to ensure that he is save.. That's all. Apart from that, I find it hard to interact with him much. (Fine.. I will try and get things better. )Therefore, my time is usually spent with my friends, best one of course like Zhen Kai, Yineng and Elin. I once had an idea of adding maybe one or two girls into my social circle. I did try although I admit that my ways are sometimes wrong but I am sure that my sincerity is genuine. And so I tried. After countless attempts and obstacles, I failed. Well, upon hearing or facing failure, one might feel sad or dissapointted but somehow, I didn't feel so. I am quite glad I failed. HAHA.. funny right? well, let me share this little secret with you. After my failure, I realised that, even though they ain't any but only one girl at my side, what's the matter?! I don't care!! hahahaha!! that's what I felt, I don't care!! Even though people around me often say that I am proud, arrogant, controlling people, take friends as dogs, what do I even care?!! As long as I feel happy with these three nice friends, I don't care! I am who I am! By the way, the fact that I have three buddies with me is enough to prove them wrong.. yaya!! hahahah!! WRONG! BUSTED!!
I also want to thank God for blessing me with such nice and good friends. They help me, comfort me and brought a lot of colours into my life. Thanks pals... I hope that Zhen Kai ( or you may call him Ong, Star, Howard, Kosmos... lol!) can read this.. I appreciate every one of you guys... Hope our friendship can last as long as we live.. HAHA
Monday, August 10, 2009
Friends
Life seems to be so quiet and peaceful just like the weather here, so comfortble as the rain falls almost every day at twilight which is just enough to put the ground to a nice temper.
It has miserably became my daily routine to wake up at the same time every morning, 6.30am which would torment me almost everyday. And so I was tormented this morning but I won the ghost in me. I went to school and saw my friend Xin Kai there.
Class went on as usual with the teacher singing infront but today I didn't feel so sleepy as the weather was cold and very comfortable. I didn't even sweat, which was a miracle for me as I sweat a lot. The scenery outside my class was looking sad. The sky was grey instead of blue. It's as though it was going to cry while we are so happy. I found myself indulged at the outside view until I felt someone called my name. "Lucas", I came back to reality and looked to source of the sound. Oh, it was Xin Kai. “Yeah? Wassup?"， I asked him. He frowned, looking despair and some what dissapointed. I was definitely sure that he got something to tell me. " Come on, wassup?" I asked again, sounding more gentle now.
And that is what I heard.
"Why she doesn't care about me? Why must she deny my existence? Am I that bad? The only thing is just that I like her, nothing more！Why must she act like that?", he asked with a some anger in his tone.
Upon hearing this, I felt concern for him as well as a feeling of sympathy. I smiled kindly like I never smile before to him, patted him on his back and signed together with him. I seriously was numb with his question even though I knew how to answer him and I was definitely sure that I could put a smile on his countenance. At the mean time, same feeling possesed my mind in a different angle. Why are girls like that? Like my brother said, if a girl likes you, no matter how a scumbag you are, you will always be the appple of her eye; but, if a girl has no feelings for you, no matter how angle-like you are, they won't mind to care about you or even your existence. From no where, a thought came into my mind, girls and boys could never be together in a close bond unless through marriage or a very strong friendship which is extremely rare to find. However, if a boy or a girl force his or herself to befriend the oppopsite sex, they would probably lost their friends who are the same sex as they are. Simply speaking, if a boy force himself to get along with girls and succeed it, he would mostly lost his "boys" friend. This could be seen through "pondan". Wow, you would be astonished how they, as males, get along with cold-blooded girls so well but they are not warmly welcomed in the mist of guys, same thing goes for girls. So guys, what do you think with my thought? Of course, this is just a general speaking, there might be exceptions.
After feeling satisfied with my thoughts, I looked at Xin Kai again, smiled and said :"Well, if you don't mind, you still have me on your side." Instantly, he smiled and got back to his work. I felt happy for him. Afterall, he is the only friend I got in this barmy class.
I looked at my timetable, gosh, doubld Chinese today. Well, i don't really look forward to it. I sat there and wait for Pn. Tan to come with Yineng at my side, talking craps^^. Everything got even more lame when she wanted us to do some kind of activity by knowing our own troubles in life, as if we are going to tell her all >.<... Fine! I took out a papper and wrote there, have to wake up at 6.30am in the morning, terrible. That's all I wrote. Then, I sat there talking about DOTA with Yineng and Teh.
After some what an hour, she took a paper and read it out loud :" Nowadays, true friends are so hard to find, what should I do?" Well, that was another students problem. I gave a slight smile which was unnoticeable and continued my conversation.
" Finding a friend depends on fate, if you have any fate with any people, you won't have one but that is not suppose to happen."
I heard that and quickly look up. Surprisingly, everyone was aggreeing to this statement. I can't believe this. And then, someone called my name to give some opinion on this matter and so I said :"If you all depend solely on fate, in that case, you won't have a friend for a millenium. What's worst, you would take "no fate" as an excuse which would cause you to lose your friends." Well, I have best friends in life, damn good they are and so I was sure what I said was true, but, it was denied. Pn. Tan said that fate no doubt plays an important role in friendship. I frowned slightly and returned to my conversation. Pn. Tan also said that during our secondary lifes, we will have true friend at that stage. We would also have new true friends when we enter into university or college. What nonsense, I said this in my heart. But, Yineng beside me couldn't control. He shouted out :" OH! That's why girls they all are exploiting each other and couldn't find true friends as bare in mind they know that they would have new friend in the future. That's it?"
Good say, I told him. But they all didn't care. Sigh... I won't mind to tell them how wrong they are about friends as none of them really appreciate FRIEND.
I have my own ways and opinion about friends which I think is good as I indeed have 3 true friends beside me. People nowadays are selfish and self-centered. They know nothing about friend. To them, their studies, they success are the most important, human realationship is depends on fate. LEMA! I certainly have many opinions about such thinking as I am in the midst of people who possess such thoughts.
I just want to say here, friends are next to family which is nex to God. Appreciate your one and only true friend.
It has miserably became my daily routine to wake up at the same time every morning, 6.30am which would torment me almost everyday. And so I was tormented this morning but I won the ghost in me. I went to school and saw my friend Xin Kai there.
Class went on as usual with the teacher singing infront but today I didn't feel so sleepy as the weather was cold and very comfortable. I didn't even sweat, which was a miracle for me as I sweat a lot. The scenery outside my class was looking sad. The sky was grey instead of blue. It's as though it was going to cry while we are so happy. I found myself indulged at the outside view until I felt someone called my name. "Lucas", I came back to reality and looked to source of the sound. Oh, it was Xin Kai. “Yeah? Wassup?"， I asked him. He frowned, looking despair and some what dissapointed. I was definitely sure that he got something to tell me. " Come on, wassup?" I asked again, sounding more gentle now.
And that is what I heard.
"Why she doesn't care about me? Why must she deny my existence? Am I that bad? The only thing is just that I like her, nothing more！Why must she act like that?", he asked with a some anger in his tone.
Upon hearing this, I felt concern for him as well as a feeling of sympathy. I smiled kindly like I never smile before to him, patted him on his back and signed together with him. I seriously was numb with his question even though I knew how to answer him and I was definitely sure that I could put a smile on his countenance. At the mean time, same feeling possesed my mind in a different angle. Why are girls like that? Like my brother said, if a girl likes you, no matter how a scumbag you are, you will always be the appple of her eye; but, if a girl has no feelings for you, no matter how angle-like you are, they won't mind to care about you or even your existence. From no where, a thought came into my mind, girls and boys could never be together in a close bond unless through marriage or a very strong friendship which is extremely rare to find. However, if a boy or a girl force his or herself to befriend the oppopsite sex, they would probably lost their friends who are the same sex as they are. Simply speaking, if a boy force himself to get along with girls and succeed it, he would mostly lost his "boys" friend. This could be seen through "pondan". Wow, you would be astonished how they, as males, get along with cold-blooded girls so well but they are not warmly welcomed in the mist of guys, same thing goes for girls. So guys, what do you think with my thought? Of course, this is just a general speaking, there might be exceptions.
After feeling satisfied with my thoughts, I looked at Xin Kai again, smiled and said :"Well, if you don't mind, you still have me on your side." Instantly, he smiled and got back to his work. I felt happy for him. Afterall, he is the only friend I got in this barmy class.
I looked at my timetable, gosh, doubld Chinese today. Well, i don't really look forward to it. I sat there and wait for Pn. Tan to come with Yineng at my side, talking craps^^. Everything got even more lame when she wanted us to do some kind of activity by knowing our own troubles in life, as if we are going to tell her all >.<... Fine! I took out a papper and wrote there, have to wake up at 6.30am in the morning, terrible. That's all I wrote. Then, I sat there talking about DOTA with Yineng and Teh.
After some what an hour, she took a paper and read it out loud :" Nowadays, true friends are so hard to find, what should I do?" Well, that was another students problem. I gave a slight smile which was unnoticeable and continued my conversation.
" Finding a friend depends on fate, if you have any fate with any people, you won't have one but that is not suppose to happen."
I heard that and quickly look up. Surprisingly, everyone was aggreeing to this statement. I can't believe this. And then, someone called my name to give some opinion on this matter and so I said :"If you all depend solely on fate, in that case, you won't have a friend for a millenium. What's worst, you would take "no fate" as an excuse which would cause you to lose your friends." Well, I have best friends in life, damn good they are and so I was sure what I said was true, but, it was denied. Pn. Tan said that fate no doubt plays an important role in friendship. I frowned slightly and returned to my conversation. Pn. Tan also said that during our secondary lifes, we will have true friend at that stage. We would also have new true friends when we enter into university or college. What nonsense, I said this in my heart. But, Yineng beside me couldn't control. He shouted out :" OH! That's why girls they all are exploiting each other and couldn't find true friends as bare in mind they know that they would have new friend in the future. That's it?"
Good say, I told him. But they all didn't care. Sigh... I won't mind to tell them how wrong they are about friends as none of them really appreciate FRIEND.
I have my own ways and opinion about friends which I think is good as I indeed have 3 true friends beside me. People nowadays are selfish and self-centered. They know nothing about friend. To them, their studies, they success are the most important, human realationship is depends on fate. LEMA! I certainly have many opinions about such thinking as I am in the midst of people who possess such thoughts.
I just want to say here, friends are next to family which is nex to God. Appreciate your one and only true friend.
Monday, August 3, 2009
A lost of a friend
I envy people who are always busy surfing the net, especialy my brother. Sometimes, I wonder, what are they doing? The best part is that they chat more than surf. Wow... So much to chat. haha.. From a another angel, you can see that these people are very sociable and have many friends, MANY.
For me, ever since a lost of a deerest friend, everytime I go online, there won't be anyone in particular to chat with me. It's as though I didn't have an account... sad thing to know.. Even my blog, if you had noticed, usually after a new post, there would be comments from a particular friend, well, in this case I won't mention the name. No matter how strange the comments were, no matter how funny they were, I always appreciated every one of them. Looking back at those old posts, I felt quite sad... Well, it's obvious that now, my posts, seldom got any visitors or to say comments. I am not saying that I am down because people don't care about me. NO! I am trying to say that that particular friend of mine, didn't bother even to have a single glance at my blog, what more leaving a comment. Well, I just have to accept it without realising the cause.
What's worst, that used-to-be friend of mine, deleted my link from his/her blog. Wow... That's.. you know, that's just like someone shotting you right in the heart. Seriously, well, if that friend of mine so happen come across my blog and mind to take a look, I would like to say that I do not know a single clue to this mystery. Why would all these happen? He/She choose not to speak to me, that means, not telling me anything.. including answering my questions.
So you see, life is really quiet now, especially on the net. My brother did intruduce Facebook to me but somehow, I didn't have the interest, I do not know why.
What I can do now is to solemly hope that this friend of mine would read this post and maybe, open the lock in my mind which is there for about 2 months, I guess...
For me, ever since a lost of a deerest friend, everytime I go online, there won't be anyone in particular to chat with me. It's as though I didn't have an account... sad thing to know.. Even my blog, if you had noticed, usually after a new post, there would be comments from a particular friend, well, in this case I won't mention the name. No matter how strange the comments were, no matter how funny they were, I always appreciated every one of them. Looking back at those old posts, I felt quite sad... Well, it's obvious that now, my posts, seldom got any visitors or to say comments. I am not saying that I am down because people don't care about me. NO! I am trying to say that that particular friend of mine, didn't bother even to have a single glance at my blog, what more leaving a comment. Well, I just have to accept it without realising the cause.
What's worst, that used-to-be friend of mine, deleted my link from his/her blog. Wow... That's.. you know, that's just like someone shotting you right in the heart. Seriously, well, if that friend of mine so happen come across my blog and mind to take a look, I would like to say that I do not know a single clue to this mystery. Why would all these happen? He/She choose not to speak to me, that means, not telling me anything.. including answering my questions.
So you see, life is really quiet now, especially on the net. My brother did intruduce Facebook to me but somehow, I didn't have the interest, I do not know why.
What I can do now is to solemly hope that this friend of mine would read this post and maybe, open the lock in my mind which is there for about 2 months, I guess...
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