I wanted to be someone great. I wanted to achieve greatness beyond others. But, I couldn't. I was just not good enough. Even in my school, I wasn't the best. I was not the best guy. LOLx. No matter in what field we competed, I was just not good enough. Studies, sports, music, even my relationship with girls, I was just not good enough.
This thought often haunted me. I had me myself to blame too. I wanted to be someone. Consequently, I gave myself additional pressure. By doing so, I tend to look down on myself. I kept blaming myself for not doing enough or being better. Such feelings could be really tormenting. It's in the inside, not visible by others but you yourself. Every time I observed my failure befell on me due to my self-inadequacy, I hated myself for being so.
But, those were the past of mine. I realized that I don't really need to compete with others because this is who I am. I am what I am. I know that being a human, a mortal, I will have my weakness but that's what differentiate me from others. That's me. Yes.
I might not be able to give you the full support you wanted but I assure you, I will always be there for you. If you listen to these words, know that I will never fail to do so. You mark and remember my words then we will be standing tall. I can't see that day that I will let you fall. I might not be enough, I might not be perfect but I will try to be one just for you.
I know, I realize and I admit that I am not sufficient for you but I am happy for what I am, and I am definitely sure, I can make it for you.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Ok now it seems like July is coming to its last breath. As a result, August is coming in. If you look at the bright side, wow, we are having a new month; at the bad and sad side, trail exam is coming.
I really need to get started. Enough of those excuses and laziness. I can't afford to befriend them. I have to get rid of them. Immediately. But, it's always easily spoken than done. No matter what, diligence, determination, perseverance, focus and hard working, these all must come now.
Nothing much to blog about. That's all. Stay tuned. >.^
I really need to get started. Enough of those excuses and laziness. I can't afford to befriend them. I have to get rid of them. Immediately. But, it's always easily spoken than done. No matter what, diligence, determination, perseverance, focus and hard working, these all must come now.
Nothing much to blog about. That's all. Stay tuned. >.^
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Mentality
I had my violin test this afternoon. As a matter of face, I don't have much to talk about it because it was like a flash.I have admit that I did a number of silly mistakes. I don't know why. Sigh. I love music. I love it a lot but I just can't get rid of my habit of making stupid mistakes from time to time.
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All right.. Forget about it. It is my pass and it will remain as so.
After my test, I went for some light shopping at Sunway Carnival. Well. nothing much to talk about that either.
When I get home, I went to school for a basketball game. There, again and again, I met some juniors... Yeah yeah.. I don't really like those arrogant kids. But whatever it was, I just played my game.
However, things got a little bit messy. One of them hit one of my friends. I din't like it. I din't like it a bit. That particular guy who hit my friend, he thought that he is the best player in my school. That sucks. So, the way he acts, it's like he is the king of court. The King. My shit. Almost immediately, I was fired up. I guarded him very roughly in purpose. Well, at this point, I admit that I should get the better of my temper. Releasing it randomly is something, foolish.
Then, another one came into the story. This one, he is from another school. Erm.. I won't like to talk too much about this school but this guy, as a student from this school, is immature, though he acts like a MAN.
He came in and did all kinds of stuffs which only and clearly reflected his stupidity and childishness. And so, with him in the story, a game became Toy Story. Emo/Max. SIen/Max. Walao.. Mood spoiler. Sienzzzz
Now, I want to talk about this. Maybe what I am going to say is also a reminder for me myself. You know, those people with talents and extraordinary abilities, you know you should appreciate it. And sir, by appreciating it doesn't mean you have to prove that you possess it. And by proving it, your ass turns green again. No! You don't do that! What we have is a gift and special power and, just like what Uncle Ben said to Peter, with great power, comes great responsibility. Yeah, that's very right. This is so especially for those who has a little talent but not that useful for his current circumstances. For example, if you are good on the court, maybe with basketball, badminton or ping pong, whatever it is, there is no need to be proud or arrogant. Come on man! Think about it. Ok, you are good. You dribble nicely, you shoot accurately, you can jump very high. So? So what? So you can be proud and lift your nose damn high? Shame for yourself. If you can make it to the NBA, then we salute you. But even so, there is no need to show off. Can you be better than Kobe? Can you slam more than LeBron? Don't make me laugh. It's just like that. What's more, we are students and our sole priority is to study. Do you actually think that by having a little skill on the court can ensure that you have a good future in Malaysia? Well, for your information, Malaysia's basketball SUCKS! That's it! Smack in your face! Sucks but you actually think that that's your main thing to show off. Oh come on. In cases like these, childish would be the best word for you. Keep up the good work.
And so, I do hope that some of my juniors can understand this. Maybe more people in NT should understand this, including some who are older than I am.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All right.. Forget about it. It is my pass and it will remain as so.
After my test, I went for some light shopping at Sunway Carnival. Well. nothing much to talk about that either.
When I get home, I went to school for a basketball game. There, again and again, I met some juniors... Yeah yeah.. I don't really like those arrogant kids. But whatever it was, I just played my game.
However, things got a little bit messy. One of them hit one of my friends. I din't like it. I din't like it a bit. That particular guy who hit my friend, he thought that he is the best player in my school. That sucks. So, the way he acts, it's like he is the king of court. The King. My shit. Almost immediately, I was fired up. I guarded him very roughly in purpose. Well, at this point, I admit that I should get the better of my temper. Releasing it randomly is something, foolish.
Then, another one came into the story. This one, he is from another school. Erm.. I won't like to talk too much about this school but this guy, as a student from this school, is immature, though he acts like a MAN.
He came in and did all kinds of stuffs which only and clearly reflected his stupidity and childishness. And so, with him in the story, a game became Toy Story. Emo/Max. SIen/Max. Walao.. Mood spoiler. Sienzzzz
Now, I want to talk about this. Maybe what I am going to say is also a reminder for me myself. You know, those people with talents and extraordinary abilities, you know you should appreciate it. And sir, by appreciating it doesn't mean you have to prove that you possess it. And by proving it, your ass turns green again. No! You don't do that! What we have is a gift and special power and, just like what Uncle Ben said to Peter, with great power, comes great responsibility. Yeah, that's very right. This is so especially for those who has a little talent but not that useful for his current circumstances. For example, if you are good on the court, maybe with basketball, badminton or ping pong, whatever it is, there is no need to be proud or arrogant. Come on man! Think about it. Ok, you are good. You dribble nicely, you shoot accurately, you can jump very high. So? So what? So you can be proud and lift your nose damn high? Shame for yourself. If you can make it to the NBA, then we salute you. But even so, there is no need to show off. Can you be better than Kobe? Can you slam more than LeBron? Don't make me laugh. It's just like that. What's more, we are students and our sole priority is to study. Do you actually think that by having a little skill on the court can ensure that you have a good future in Malaysia? Well, for your information, Malaysia's basketball SUCKS! That's it! Smack in your face! Sucks but you actually think that that's your main thing to show off. Oh come on. In cases like these, childish would be the best word for you. Keep up the good work.
And so, I do hope that some of my juniors can understand this. Maybe more people in NT should understand this, including some who are older than I am.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
PLKN name list
Actually I was on my way to bed until I saw my bro's blog and it stimulated me to post something. LOL.
Today, many of my friends got to know that their names are in the name list of PLKN or we call it NS. Around 70% of my friends were chosen but, I wasn't.
I keep wondering why. My brother wasn't chosen also. Technically speaking, I would have been obliged to participate in this program but it turns out to be different. I ain't chosen and I can assure you, I am quite happy about it.
Well, enough about me. Let's take a look around my friends. Like I said, many of my friends are chosen. Thus, I have lots of expression to observe.
The result of my observations is shocking. My friends cried. They cried and got themselves EMO for the whole day. Can you believe that? They cried in the tuition and they wept and they, well, they blamed everything. Also, they did many stupid stuffs like announced their hatred for Najib and Muhyuddin in facebook.
Now, this PLKN thing is just a small part in life. It doesn't kill, it is not fatal, and it ain't that bad. So, what's wrong? Why those words and those faces? Tears, everywhere. They kept saying that they can't accept this fact. They kept complaining and blamed everything for being like what it was.
As an observer, I don't know what to say. It seems like they have met the end of life and I can't say anything to help. Even now, I really don't know what to say. Maybe it would be unfair to point out my opinion as everyone has their own thoughts and plan for themselves..
Today, many of my friends got to know that their names are in the name list of PLKN or we call it NS. Around 70% of my friends were chosen but, I wasn't.
I keep wondering why. My brother wasn't chosen also. Technically speaking, I would have been obliged to participate in this program but it turns out to be different. I ain't chosen and I can assure you, I am quite happy about it.
Well, enough about me. Let's take a look around my friends. Like I said, many of my friends are chosen. Thus, I have lots of expression to observe.
The result of my observations is shocking. My friends cried. They cried and got themselves EMO for the whole day. Can you believe that? They cried in the tuition and they wept and they, well, they blamed everything. Also, they did many stupid stuffs like announced their hatred for Najib and Muhyuddin in facebook.
Now, this PLKN thing is just a small part in life. It doesn't kill, it is not fatal, and it ain't that bad. So, what's wrong? Why those words and those faces? Tears, everywhere. They kept saying that they can't accept this fact. They kept complaining and blamed everything for being like what it was.
As an observer, I don't know what to say. It seems like they have met the end of life and I can't say anything to help. Even now, I really don't know what to say. Maybe it would be unfair to point out my opinion as everyone has their own thoughts and plan for themselves..
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Lesson
I haven't returned to this blog for a considerable amount of time. I can say about 2 months. When one is having many things in mind which are needed to be accomplished, he certainly doesn't have any remaining time for blogging.
Looking back at those months, nothing really great happened except for today. What makes today so special is the outcome which is not really what I presumed it to be. I have been waiting for "today" for about a year. The funny things is, I couldn't believe that my patience was this good. I keep reading about how a guy waits for a girl for 8 or 10 years in those Chinese novels, some even 50 years. Haha.. Well, when I was reading that paragraph, I laughed inside my heart and said that this is ridiculous. However, I have waited for this day for one year and let me assure you, I haven't wait for something for so long.
This afternoon I conducted a inter-club ping pong competition. I sort of conducted it because I am the chairman of this Ping Pong Club in my school. It wasn't very hard to do. Luckily I got all the help I needed and so all the preparations smoothen up. Everything turned out quite well as a whole, nothing much to complain about. This sounds normal but it's not for me, because she was there. She was one of the referees which will help me record down those points.
So when everything was near completion, I decided to talk to her alone. And so that's what I did. Below are the question and answers as well.
"Hey, don't you think that it's a waste for us to just ignore each other since we once had fun together for quite some time??"
"No."
"So, does it mean that you don't care at all for our friendship that we had last year?"
"Yes, I don't really care."
"Wow.. erm.. Didn't you take us as one of your best friends?"
"No. You are just my sister's friends."
"You know, it's quite hurting to hear someone that we appreciate saying this..."
"...." ( No responds )
"Ok.. So... Do you want to start it all over again?"
"No."
"Come on, I know that I was wrong at my part but it has been a year and I really did do what I was supposed to do.. Why are you still hating me or something?"
"I forgive you but I want to maintain this distance."
"Ok.. So from that day onwards, we were cleared from your memory, forever you won't think about us again?"
"Yeah."
"Okay then, bye..."
Ok.. Conversation ended. Lolx. So what do you think? Romantic? Sad? Hilarious? Comedy? Well, let me tell you, to me, neither one. I knew and learnt a lot from this conversation.
I appreciate my friends. I even love some of them. But I have a weakness in me. When I have someone new, I will go all out for he or she just to make them him happy. But at the end, that guy, might say that I am very disgusting, or just dump me aside as if I haven't done anything in his or her life. I have been in this similar situation for 7 times but then, I was young and I just loved to help and get to know new people. So, this is the most recent one where I shower my love and concern as a friend and also as a "brother" but in the end, I get something cold. You know that song Cold As You by Taylor Swift? Well, this song describes a lot about my situation and how I feel. You have a way of coming easily to me and when you take, you take the very best of me.
I regretted being someone so available. I was stupid for trusting that everyone values friendship as I did. Foolish. Naive. Sometimes, just for the new ones, I sacrificed or neglected the old ones. I am sorry. But don't get me wrong, I still like them and still appreciate them but they are not worth so much of my time and attention. I have to go on, keep leaving cause I want to achieve greatness far beyond what I am now.
But, one of my stands still remains:
1. I don't like people who only sms or finds you when they need your help. You know if you are someone like that, you sucks to the grave and it embarrass everyone that cares for you.
2. People who won't or never sms or give you a call but will say that you are his or her best friend, SUCKS. These kind of animals, they only respond when you call them, apart from that, they won't care if your balls fall off or you turn into a niggle all of a sudden. For example, they won't sms you saying HI or show some concern. What they want is for you to automatically find them. Again, sucks.
3. Some friends are just willing to let go of their friendship with others easily no matter how close they used to be. Some even give up their friends for their boyfriends. People like this, you don't deserve to be at the top- of the food chain. You should just eat slugs and slugs and slugs 4ever until you die in the grave of slugs.
Maybe there are more but it slipped through my memory for now...
See you again.
Looking back at those months, nothing really great happened except for today. What makes today so special is the outcome which is not really what I presumed it to be. I have been waiting for "today" for about a year. The funny things is, I couldn't believe that my patience was this good. I keep reading about how a guy waits for a girl for 8 or 10 years in those Chinese novels, some even 50 years. Haha.. Well, when I was reading that paragraph, I laughed inside my heart and said that this is ridiculous. However, I have waited for this day for one year and let me assure you, I haven't wait for something for so long.
This afternoon I conducted a inter-club ping pong competition. I sort of conducted it because I am the chairman of this Ping Pong Club in my school. It wasn't very hard to do. Luckily I got all the help I needed and so all the preparations smoothen up. Everything turned out quite well as a whole, nothing much to complain about. This sounds normal but it's not for me, because she was there. She was one of the referees which will help me record down those points.
So when everything was near completion, I decided to talk to her alone. And so that's what I did. Below are the question and answers as well.
"Hey, don't you think that it's a waste for us to just ignore each other since we once had fun together for quite some time??"
"No."
"So, does it mean that you don't care at all for our friendship that we had last year?"
"Yes, I don't really care."
"Wow.. erm.. Didn't you take us as one of your best friends?"
"No. You are just my sister's friends."
"You know, it's quite hurting to hear someone that we appreciate saying this..."
"...." ( No responds )
"Ok.. So... Do you want to start it all over again?"
"No."
"Come on, I know that I was wrong at my part but it has been a year and I really did do what I was supposed to do.. Why are you still hating me or something?"
"I forgive you but I want to maintain this distance."
"Ok.. So from that day onwards, we were cleared from your memory, forever you won't think about us again?"
"Yeah."
"Okay then, bye..."
Ok.. Conversation ended. Lolx. So what do you think? Romantic? Sad? Hilarious? Comedy? Well, let me tell you, to me, neither one. I knew and learnt a lot from this conversation.
I appreciate my friends. I even love some of them. But I have a weakness in me. When I have someone new, I will go all out for he or she just to make them him happy. But at the end, that guy, might say that I am very disgusting, or just dump me aside as if I haven't done anything in his or her life. I have been in this similar situation for 7 times but then, I was young and I just loved to help and get to know new people. So, this is the most recent one where I shower my love and concern as a friend and also as a "brother" but in the end, I get something cold. You know that song Cold As You by Taylor Swift? Well, this song describes a lot about my situation and how I feel. You have a way of coming easily to me and when you take, you take the very best of me.
I regretted being someone so available. I was stupid for trusting that everyone values friendship as I did. Foolish. Naive. Sometimes, just for the new ones, I sacrificed or neglected the old ones. I am sorry. But don't get me wrong, I still like them and still appreciate them but they are not worth so much of my time and attention. I have to go on, keep leaving cause I want to achieve greatness far beyond what I am now.
But, one of my stands still remains:
1. I don't like people who only sms or finds you when they need your help. You know if you are someone like that, you sucks to the grave and it embarrass everyone that cares for you.
2. People who won't or never sms or give you a call but will say that you are his or her best friend, SUCKS. These kind of animals, they only respond when you call them, apart from that, they won't care if your balls fall off or you turn into a niggle all of a sudden. For example, they won't sms you saying HI or show some concern. What they want is for you to automatically find them. Again, sucks.
3. Some friends are just willing to let go of their friendship with others easily no matter how close they used to be. Some even give up their friends for their boyfriends. People like this, you don't deserve to be at the top- of the food chain. You should just eat slugs and slugs and slugs 4ever until you die in the grave of slugs.
Maybe there are more but it slipped through my memory for now...
See you again.
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