Since the start of this AUSMAT course, i have been returning home every Friday night.
But for the very first time, last week, i went home on Saturday night, meaning, I only have a day's time at home.
For the second semester, i am obliged to take Malaysian Studies every Saturday morning. So I will have to spend another night in Penang.
When I went back, I met up with my friend, Zhen Kai and Elin.
Our first meeting wasn't a pleasant one as we had some argument but then everything turned out to be ok, just like it used to be.
Sunday morning, as usual, I went to church, helped my mum out with some church stuffs. After that, I went home, took some sleep then proceeded on with Marcus's piano lesson. At around 5pm, I went to play basketball with Zhen Kai at the market place. Very quickly, the time passed and without me knowing it, i was already packing my things, getting ready to go back to Penang. And now I am blogging in Penang.
Though it's just the first time having such a packed time-table, I felt something. Something different.
Penang island is not actually very far but when most of the time is spent there rather than your hometown, everything seems much further apart. When I went back, I felt distance, be it physically or mentally. There was an invisible gap between the place and I, the people and I. Though the feeling wasn't a great one, it was there. And for the first time indeed, I felt as if I was very far away. Very far away from "home". Even when I am back in Penang, the people here, the places, the atmosphere didn't present themselves in a familiar way either. At that moment, I had a small question popping in my head. I asked myself, where I am supposed to be???
It felt strange when you saw your close friends having expression that you didn't see it before yet he was doing it to another friend. Maybe it's sadness, maybe it's mere feeling. Nevertheless, it wasn't comfortable. I wasn't part of them. Never more. The best I could be was a listener. That's the best. Other than that, I guess I din't have what it took to be.
For the past few weeks, I learnt and trained myself to be stronger emotionally. not missing home and friends too much. And I succeeded. But this one, it's something new to me. It created an aching feeling somewhere deep inside me, yet to be found.
I wondered whether it's necessary to be lonely in the road to success? Or, was there any success??
Confusing the future yes.
Nevertheless, what must be done will be done first.
I just hope that the tie between all of us will not break easily, no matter where we are and what we are.
So that's it. The start of semester two. Something new lies ahead. Got to be ready for it, of course.
All the best, guys..
