A few points to ponder

Right now, I am entering the fourth week of my second semester.
Throughout these 4 weeks, I dare say that I have been relatively comfortable and happy. Some of such satisfaction come from the fact that I finally move in into a new house which feels more like home. It really does make a difference. Living in a place where it signifies nothing but keep reminding you that you are far far away from home does make one sick. For now, I just love this room of mine where I have my privacy but then not so lonely and away from the friends here.
Academic wise, I feel more right on track this semester. Last semester was a total confusion. But then, I still lack the diligence that I expected from myself before coming here. I keep telling people around me that the worst weakness is when you identified your own weakness, acknowledging them but did nothing to alter the course of it. It is just pathetic and weak. Sadly and unfortunately, I am finding difficulty to apply this personal thought to my current situation. Sad.
Another thing that really makes me happy is the activities here. I am in Curtin's volleyball club. There are many things that require my attention and effort. I like it as i treat it as a training ground for me. Apart all these management things, training hard to be a better volleyball player has accompanied me throughout these weeks. It is always fun and entertaining to set one of your targets on sports. I just enjoy looking at the result of my training gradually but effectively growing day by day. By doing so, it does provide some respect among the players in Curtin. I won't have the guts to say that I have the talent in it but then it's quite obvious that my improvement has been quite at a fast rate. No matter what happens, I will keep training on. Sigh.. But then, thinking about my two favourite sports back in Nibong Tebal, basketball and ping pong, I really miss playing them. It's a shame that I can't find any link to reconnect myself to basketball in Curtin. Somehow, it is as if it's not meant for me here. As for ping pong, this sport is quite underrated here. No one cares to play it or establish it. So, the two of my buddies are slowly fading away. I guess that's fate.  I don't like it but that's how it is.
Once again I would like to thank the all mighty God for putting wonderful people in my life right now. First I have this very kind and elegant lecturer who never stop helping her students. It is really a gift from God to have met her. Second would be the friends here. Right now, it's like we have a small group of people consisting of 3 boys and a girl. The four of us just got together without anyone knowing it. It's just amazing how things work out their own way and form an equation which will last for a considerable amount of time. Though some of us within the group might not agree on most occasions, we do agree to disagree which makes things easier to settle.
Last night and this morning, my lecturer had a brief conversation with me. I started it first by asking, why some people are so popular or welcomed though they are nothing but jackasses. My lecturer threw me back a question, are you intimated by it? Then, she told me that I shouldn't look at what I didn't have but appreciate the people who stayed by with me for who I am. I appreciate those words and I shall remember them. But right now, sitting in front of my laptop, I question myself again. Why am I so insecure and intimated by the differences around me? I am definitely very very different from the people around me here, be it the academic arena or the sports arena. If you were to take out the few number of people around me, it would look as if I have been operating on my own throughout this while. But then, right until now, the results of such act has been promising. So, what's the problem? I guess I would have to think it through.
As for now, everything looks cool. :)

Memories

It's the last week of my semester break. 

After this week, i will be back in Miri, away from Nibong Tebal. 

A month had passed. But this time, it did not pass without a trace. Yes. It did leave behind many traces. Traces such as these were always left behind one's journey of life. Some even said that in order to achieve greatness, it's necessary not to hold on too tight on them. But, I treated these traces, or to say memories, as a power and driving force both to motivate and empower myself in my journey to be a better person. In my point of opinion, those memories were not stationary. They were not just left behind for the sake of being but memories. If they were taken as such, then I must say that their definition and purpose had been diminished. They were never stationary. They moved on. Though taken as past events, they actually lived with us throughout our current life. They gave us power. They made us who we are today and maybe, tomorrow. To forget and neglect the pass would be one's greatest mistake. 

For me, I planned to hold on to them as firmly as I could. In a nick of time, I would be flying away from my origin. Many asked me how do I feel? It's a rather difficult answer to give spontaneously. But after putting in some thoughts, I landed myself on an answer. My answer for the question was, I am filled with anticipation. 

Why did I say that? 

It sounded as if I couldn't wait to leave home. It sounded rebellious. 

No. They weren't anticipations supported by devilish thoughts. They were anticipation embedded with hope and bravery. 

My family, friends and the church were the only things that made my one month in NT meaningful and fruitful. To say that I couldn't wait to leave all these behind would be foolish and idiotic. No doubt that I couldn't actually face the fact and practicality of my coming departure. I couldn't find the guts to believe that my semester break had ended in just a snap. Yet, I knew pretty well that the time had come for each and everyone of us to make our own decision, not at the expense of our ties and relationship that we built up so hardly over the years,  in order to grow stronger and better. Nevertheless, I would firmly stress upon one thing. If the cost incurred in the decision that we made was too costly, then I would say that the decision might be wrong. 

My mum was right, again.It's time for us, be it friends or brothers, to each create our own arenas. It's time we owned or be owned. Either way, we still learn. 

With such thought in my mind, I actually felt more peaceful and was able to accept the fact that I was about to leave. 

The same question presented itself in my head. What is in stored for me after this week?

你依然在那里

In many occasions, our mind has the perfect ability to betray us. Such betrayal is much dangerous than any other form of betrayal. It might be true that even those great people of the history had been betrayed and jeopardised by their very mind. It is then suggested to everyone, especially teenagers who lack experience and the wisdom of life, to never underestimate your own mind as it will bring fourth benefits and at the same time, tragedy to your life.
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我以为我不需要再等待了
我以为一切已经到了尽头
我以为我可以走出那个阴影
我以为我不用再回头
原来
我的以为，只是我以为
为了得到一丝的希望
三年看起来不多
一切看起来是那么的值得
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终于
时间过去了
回忆已成了历史
只是用来回目
不再拥有情绪的操纵权
终于得以解脱
然而
那只是自我安慰，自我逃避
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今天
本来没有希望能见到你的影子
心里完全没有一丝的防备
可是
命运/缘份得到了操纵权

碰见了你

听起来稀松平常
可是
你知道吗
那股振动是我已放弃很久很久的了
你突然的出现
把我努力埋起来的回忆
通通给挖了起来
就好像一处戏
在我面前播个不停
多么希望能有勇气踏上一步
减少我们之间的距离
多么希望有这个清楚的头脑去和你说说一两句
可是
平日里信心满满的我
失败了
你的一举一动
到现在还是那么的清晰
你曾说过的每一句话
你曾做过的每件事
你邹的眉头
你笑的样子
一切的一切
还是很清楚
那个时候
我才发现到
你依然在那里
是我自己被我的头脑欺骗了
你依然在那里
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回家的路途中
我为我的失败彻底的后悔
不停的责怪自己为什么那么没胆
一阵子后
我相信
以后不再有见到你的希望了
我相信
过去就是过去
糊糊涂涂地
时间过了几个钟
突然地
你又出现在我前面
我好吃惊
也很开心
因为
机会来了
我勇敢地走上去
说了几句话
虽然说话对象不是你
但那也充足了
我告诉我自己
把握！！！！！
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梦见你
真是异想天开
可是
醒了之后
我竟然做了那个异想天开的事儿
而且
我成功了！！！
好开心！！！
三年以来我所等待的一丝希望
终于出现在我的眼前
而且
我得到了！
好开心
好久没那么开心了
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我以为一切会有好的开始
可是
错
我又错了
你选择以沉默来对待我的真心
你选择以静制动
我没有办法
我无奈
那一丝希望
难道不是希望吗?
那一丝光芒
难道不是光芒吗？
跌了又爬起来
爬了起来又跌的感觉
真不好受
真不好受
为什么？？？
一些些的反应
是那么的难吗？
我不要多
就那么的一点点
行吗？
虽然如此
我还是不放弃
我还是选择相信
相信我自己能达到的
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I am very grateful to be blessed by a group of sincere and good friends.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
None of us get to know each other through nothing.
Each of us has our own story to tell.
Each of us has our own joke to share.
Nevertheless, when someone falls, the other will be there to pick you up.
What more is there for me to say?
I have the best group of friends the world can offer.
Is there anything more I can lament about?
Thanks guys...
Thanks..
Thanks for lending me a hand when I need one.
Thanks....

In my last post I did mention that I was in deep trouble with my preparation for the finals.
Now, standing where I am, I am actually laughing at that post.
Muahaha..
Currently, I am feeling so much better and optimistic towards my incoming finals. 3 subjects are on track, thanks to my very kind lecturer.
She is a very nice and kind person who finds it rather difficult to deny a single chance to offer help to those who require it.With her guidance, mathematics seem less difficult. Her way of teaching reminds me a lot of my mum. In other words, she is good in teaching. I am grateful and fortunate to have a tutor like her in Curtin or else I won't have the mood and time to write this post. Besides, she does take care of our fundamental needs. She always ensure that we are not hungry and comfortable all the time. How nice of her.
Oh, and I almost forgot! Lately i have been hanging out with a new bunch of friends. At the first stage, we find it rather hard to accommodate each other. It's understandable as everyone of us comes from different places and were brought up in a different manner. Nevertheless, we all had a mutual goal: we want to fulfill our duty and responsibility as a student. For now, we do not have the time to actually have fun together as we only got together to get prepared for the finals. However, with this common goal, we quickly establish a close ties between each and other.
So.. what am I supposed to talk about?
I don't really know too.
Just feel like blogging after doing some past year papers.
Soon, I will be going home. I wonder how much has Nibong Tebal changed. Definitely, my family will also wonder how much have I changed. It's only natural.
Finally! I have something to talk about. (It popped out in my mind suddenly ^^)
People around me are really getting crazy with love. Meaning, those who are still single, they desire for their partner like a hungry man craving for a hearty meal (well, you know what a hungry man can do, don't you?); those  who are in the process of coupling, both of them love each other fiercely; those who have broken up, they are so sad and emo as if the world is at it's end.
What about me ??
I am just not in THAT category, be it the beginning, in the process or the end.  I can't say whether it's good or bad to be so (maybe you have an answer) but what I am sure is that I like it this way. ^^
After all, I'm just 19 and I plan to find slowly and accurately.
Sometimes, when the whether is cold and the moon is high up in the sky, I tend to ask myself: When will it be my time? Asking this stupidly to myself and hoping that the moon will drop an answer to me. How lame..
Oh and one more thing. Teenagers nowadays are getting really immature and stupid. (Including me?? @.@) They are willing to do anything, and I mean it, ANYTHING just to make that girl/boy likes them back. Hmmmm... Well... If there's a rule saying that a guy HAVE to be like this in order to get a wife, I guess I shall be the Monk of Immortal.

My home, HERE I COME!!!!