Far far away.

Since the start of this AUSMAT course, i have been returning home every Friday night.
But for the very first time, last week, i went home on Saturday night, meaning, I only have a day's time at home.
For the second semester, i am obliged to take Malaysian Studies every Saturday morning. So I will have to spend another night in Penang.
When I went back, I met up with my friend, Zhen Kai and Elin.
Our first meeting wasn't a pleasant one as we had some argument but then everything turned out to be ok, just like it used to be.
Sunday morning, as usual, I went to church, helped my mum out with some church stuffs. After that, I went home, took some sleep then proceeded on with Marcus's piano lesson. At around 5pm, I went to play basketball with Zhen Kai at the market place. Very quickly, the time passed and without me knowing it, i was already packing my things, getting ready to go back to Penang. And now I am blogging in Penang.
Though it's just the first time having such a packed time-table, I felt something. Something different.
Penang island is not actually very far but when most of the time is spent there rather than your hometown, everything seems much further apart. When I went back, I felt distance, be it physically or mentally. There was an invisible gap between the place and I, the people and I. Though the feeling wasn't a great one, it was there. And for the first time indeed, I felt as if I was very far away. Very far away from "home". Even when I am back in Penang, the people here, the places, the atmosphere didn't present themselves in a familiar way either. At that moment, I had a small question popping in my head. I asked myself, where I am supposed to be???
It felt strange when you saw your close friends having expression that you didn't see it before yet he was doing it to another friend. Maybe it's sadness, maybe it's mere feeling. Nevertheless, it wasn't comfortable. I wasn't part of them. Never more. The best I could be was a listener. That's the best. Other than that, I guess I din't have what it took to be.
For the past few weeks, I learnt and trained myself to be stronger emotionally. not missing home and friends too much. And I succeeded. But this one, it's something new to me. It created an aching feeling somewhere deep inside me, yet to be found.
I wondered whether it's necessary to be lonely in the road to success? Or, was there any success??
Confusing the future yes.
Nevertheless, what must be done will be done first.
I just hope that the tie between all of us will not break easily, no matter where we are and what we are.
So that's it. The start of semester two. Something new lies ahead. Got to be ready for it, of course.
All the best, guys..

This or that leh~~~

Half of 2011 has passed.
Quick enough.
Meaningful enough??? Uncertain....

I am currently at a cross-road. At first, my heart was quite settled for Tasmania, Ocean Engineering in Australian Maritime College. But then, my mum heard from many people about the job prospect of this course. After some consideration, my mum requested that I put some thoughts whether or not to have a change in mind. Well, to be honest, I wasn't quite so happy when I heard that. But then, I knew my mum's concern and worries and so I started to reconsider. If I am not mistaken, I took approximately one week to achieve something.
I agreed to change my course into Chemical Engineering.
Now, this might sound weird for those who know me more.
For your information, my Chemistry SUX to the core. Nevertheless, I still got an A for my SPM. HAHA xD. And now I have agreed to take Chemical Engineering as my degree course and also, my future career. Funny? Without a second though, yes, funny indeed.
But then, I told my mum, with much determination, that I have decided and I was ready to take up this course.
My mum was quite happy to hear that. Knowing that she was happy, I was happy too. ^^
Then there was another problem.
Where to???
I have two options, either Monash University or Curtin University.
Guys, any opinions???

Not Pro Enough

If you do follow my blog often, you might realize that I have changed my title (Not Pro Enough)..
It might sound funny for some people who are older than me. Nevertheless, I feel that I am inadequate. I lack something, or maybe many things. This flaw in me has stopped me from becoming someone greater than what I am now, I might say someone that I am supposed to be.
Pretty messed up in my mind now...
Yet I just have this feeling and urge to continue on this post..
Cause there's no one for me to confide in...
I know, I crave, I want to be a successful person in whatever I do, though knowing pretty well that it's rather impossible for someone to be perfect in all ways.
When I was young, I often had a kind of feeling where some part of me wished to just jump out. Just jump out. You get the meaning? Whatever that I was doing then, some part of me just felt like jumping out and do better.
At the first stage, I literally ignored it. But now, as I am getting bigger, more exposure here in Penang, I seriously feel it in me. It's like a sound or some invisible force pushing every part of my body to go forward, to achieve something, to be someone great.
And, whenever I failed to do so, I blamed myself a lot.
That's why I feel that I am not good enough, yet. In whatever I do, I am not good enough. I am supposed to be better.. better...


I will be better..

Collide

～一首不被珍惜的曲子，弹来有何用～


时间还过得真快，明天我好多朋友要上中六了。真的替他们感到开心特别是她，在家里没事做，早点上学会比较适合她。
很多人去中六，镇凯，Elin,思恩，秀芬。全部一起去，他们都有伴，说句难听的，就像重复中一到中五的生活可是现在的设定就不一样了。之前，全部还小小，你不认识我，我不认识你。全部还幼稚，还不懂很多东西。可是在同一间学校五年了以后，对彼此的认识当然是更深一层。在这样的设定下，而且别忘记，彼此都是一起考SPM，一起在中五毕业的，又要重新在同一间学校继续读两年，真的有着很不同的环境和感觉。这样的“新”感觉，对一些人来说可能是好事，他们可能认为，很好啊，不用浪费时间再去认识新朋友。在那同时，也会有另一组的人觉得很显，又要穿校服，又要服从那支藤条，真是辛苦啊。
哈哈...
每个人有不同的看法，可惜，我无法体会到在那个情况里能有什么样的滋味因为我已经一个人在KDU读书了。一个人到那边读呢，好是在你可以有个新的开始，不必被以前的朋友纠缠。可是，你会很寂寞。真的会。
不相信的话你自己去试看 ^^
现在我身边的好朋友-镇凯，去Tunku读书了咯～
早上不能信息他了，除非他逃课啦～
唉～
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I don't know why I have such a strange feeling when I get to know the reality that my friends are going to school tomorrow.
It's like, I am losing them or something cause I am so far away in KDU. This distance between us doesn't only apply to physical distance but also what each of us experience and undergo. It's totally different now. They might have topic to discuss with other friends from Tunku. This is only understandable as they are in the same situation.
So....
This is how I feel.




～顿时间的寂寞，又有谁明白咧～