lately.. recently

Finally and finally.

Haha.

I have the mode and strength to blog again. Well you can give credit to Yineng who really did inspire me a lot to pick up where I left.

Actually now I am writing from a different angel.

Before this, well, I was a boy or to be more accurate, Form 5 boy still in my uniform and have to “selamat pagi cikgu” every morning (unless I ponteng la which I love the most, wakakaka).

But now I am different. I am in college and I’m 18. I live with my brother and I have to make many decisions on my own and of course, handle the risks on my own. Even if there are still my brother and parents here, I just want to learn to be responsible. That’s a crucial part of growing up.

For your information, I am currently studying in KDU, Penang campus. I am living with my brother at Lorong Selamat which is just a stone’s throw away from my college. So as it sounds, it is indeed very convenient for me to attend class early everyday. And also, I can finally attend class with air-con and without uniform. I’m loving it!!!

The course that I am taking is Australian Matriculation (AUSMAT) or to be more accurate is Western Australian Curriculum Education (WACE). It’s a 50% examination and 50% course work program which I think, suits me a lot as I don’t and can’t really compete with other people academically.

As a whole, life is indeed different here in Penang. One might say that by facing and accepting changes is a way to grow up. Well, you can say so but in one condition: you need to know what you’re doing and the choice you’re making. Don’t end up in a different path from the way you wanted it to be, or even worse, the wrong path.

You wanna know how different is it compared with life back at Nibong Tebal??

Here’s some examples. I am all on my own, excluding my brother. I don’t have anyone whom I really know here. Even in my class, I have only two Indian friends, Jay and Avinaash. Yes, that’s right. The program I’m taking consists of only 3 students. LOL. It’s because it’s a new course which was established at Australia last year. Everything is new. Not knowing anyone means these few days I just keep to myself. I study, eat, think and go to college alone. But don’t get the wrong impression. I’m not lamenting or being sad and EMO. I just need some time for certain adjustments.

Another difference is the way I’m getting my education. Maybe it sounds silly but college is INDEED really different from high school. The lecturers are responsible and they are good at what they do. Not like our teachers in high school where they have high possibility to be unable to answer the question for you. So and how lame =.=”. The lecturers here, they want to listen from you and not spoon feed you. They want to know what you’re thinking and whether you understand the whole lesson. That’s the important part in education.

In short, I kinda like it a lot. I admit that I do miss my family and my friends. I do miss the times where I can just go and have a basketball game with my friends near my place. But I know pretty well that if I continue my life in a change-free condition, I ain’t going anywhere. This is also a reminder for those who are unwilling to leave their home out of fear of changes. You just need to have some breakthrough.

Until then, keep in touch.

So fast hor.

Without knowing noticing the passing of time, SPM has passed it's first two weeks. There're only 4 papers left for me.

Once again, the quickness of time never fail to impress me but luckily I am not neglected by it this time.

If you ask me how's my exam, I can only say, so far so good. "So far" means the first two weeks. But, next Monday is my Chemistry paper.

It spells "doom". Everyone who knows me will understand that my Chemistry has a certain "grade". Ok. This is quite embarrassing. But, I am really really glad that at times like these, there's someone there to help me. I am really really happy. ^^

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Not long from now, SPM will be my history and something totally new will be my reality. The problem is, I ain't quite sure what that "reality" is. It suddenly occur to me that I have to decide where I am going after this. And the decision of mine will decide many things. MANY THINGS. You can say that I am just too frighten by that idea. Cause it's rather obvious that my decision will gain me something, well, something I ain't sure about but what I am sure is, I will lose many things. Maybe lose sounds a bit too serious. But I have to leave home, leave my friends, family and go to somewhere unfamiliar to start a new life. It's really hard to say goodbye...

Anyway, Chemistry first. Good luck everyone.

Form 1, 2, 3, 4, 5----------------ENDED

Juz studied. I actually felt weird studying so much in a day. Yeah, what can I do? Nex week is SPM, i guess i have to give my best shot.

I looked through my school beg just now. Saw some old stuffs and some school stuffs. Just then, a feeling passed through my mind.

Secondary school life is over. I might not be even wearing a school uniform anymore. Back then, how I wished I could just get out of that school but now, looking back, I am feeling nostalgic.

Those memories and times I had there were, are and will be very precious to me.

For instance, ping pong competition. I took part in this competition since I was form 1. Started training with my bro and friends. Even the training time, we really had great time. Listening to the sound of the ball hitting the table, cross the net, hit the table again and hit the bat. Those sounds, those feelings, those concentrations and those inspiration, I don't think I can get it again. Every year, around March, I will look forward to the MSSPP Ping Pong competition. Not one year passed without me getting a medal, be it gold or silver.

Group competition, single, double.

The feeling when you smash the ball hard enough and make a victorious roar. How nice. Really, how nice. This sort of competition, you can only get them during secondary school life. And now they are gone. It's as if a part of my life is blown away, vanished into thin air.

Besides, friends is also one of the thing which added man colours into this already colourful life. From form 1 till form 5, I got to know many friends, well, at least all of them. But the funny thing is, not all of them can last long. For example, you are very close with a friend in form 1 but that doesn't mean you can still call him your friend at the end of form 5. You get it? Many factors stand in the way to a perfect friendship. Nevertheless, it's always good to appreciate what you have from time to time.

Usually, I have to wake up everyday, or, to be more specific, every morning. The feeling was terrible. However, currently it has changed. I can sleep till the day turns dark again, according to my own will. It's just so different. Leaving behind these also signifies the departure between me and my friends. Every time this thought comes into my mind, unknowingly, I feel like crying. It did not occur to me that I won't be able to see my best friends everyday because usually I'll see them everyday. Hahaha. But now, I have to prepare myself for something new. Maybe I just can see them once a week? Or maybe like my brother, can't see them for at least 2 weeks?

Well, my bro keep saying that it's something natural but for now, I can't accept that. I mean, must it be that way? Well, I know I am asking a stupid question.

Haiz... There are many things that I am unwilling to give up.

Whatever it is, I just hope all my friends and all the one I care for will do well in their SPM. After this, guys, keep in touch please. Do not let anything stand in our way to reach each other. Friendship forever. It's easy to be said but very very difficult to achieve it.

All the best guys..

changes

When the days of high school are coming to an end, it feels like something is disappearing, something slipping off my grasps. On the other hand, I just can't wait to face the world, or maybe, if I am not that "lucky" at least I can have a different life. But come to think of it, I am still studying next year, what's the big deal?? Haha.

Though life these few weeks have been quite slow, emo and of course, I had my great and happy time too. ^^ Most importantly, I learned something.

You see, back in those days, I judged people. It sounds creepy but that was what I did back then. I judged based on their attire and the way they brought themselves. So, if that person did not "satisfy" me in certain aspects, I would have canceled him off very quickly.

But recently, as I am growing up, I found out that actually I was very very wrong.

Many people have different ways and a variety of ideas to show themselves to the public. It's not in my power to judge or to say or to give any comment about a situation. I am just me. I am just Lucas.

By thinking so, I learned to accept. Acceptance is the best way to learn. Without acceptance, there won't be lesson, no lesson, no improvement.

So, things and people around me, whom I did not really like back then, I am learning to accept them into my life. Because the main thing is difference. I am different from them and vice versa. Something different means something new. It's high time for me to explore more, to learn more, to see more, to experience more.

Haiz.. late le late le..

sleep la.. why think so much hor..