The beginning after the end...

I couldn't say how shocked I was when I knew that my college life was coming to an end.
Though the whole course was intensive and short, apart from academic education, I learned a lot.
A year in college taught me many lessons in life.
I used to be a person who hold on to relations very tightly. For this character, I paid a lot of price for it. I went through a hard time letting go and forgetting.
But then, those hard times did not open up my eyes to realise the brutality and reality of life.
Not until I took a step into KDU.
Being in a new environment, I took some time to adapt to it. The food, the life, the accommodation, the people...
It required time. And with it, came knowledge.
This year was filled with excitement and anticipation. I kept worrying about my results. I wanted to start my Uni life. But then, being who I was, I still appreciate the time I had with my course mates. Nevertheless, I found out that, no matter what, it's still hard to really establish a sincere friendship. People kept saying that friends are just a tool to achieve something you wanted. Such statement became more and more valid as we grew older.
Though we only have 8 people in this course, this phenomena didn't hide itself. Some of them only talked to you when they needed your help. They really did that!
sigh.. At first, I couldn't accept it. I kept asking why. But then, now, I realised, there wasn't a definite answer to that.
Friends come and go. That's the reality of life.
Upon knowing that, I was happy. I grew up. At the end of days, my success will be the unit of measurement for everything. It's me and me alone.
This course is ending... Today is the second last day.... Tomorrow would be the last..
Yet, I don't feel sad or emotional about it. I actually feel happy. I am finally leaving Penang.
Nevertheless, there is a big exam ahead of me. I will conquer it.
The end of 2011 signifies the start of a very new chapter of my life. There are many things that I still have to learn.. either in the hard or soft way. Either way, I will learn. I will not forget the lessons I learnt this year.. Never..
With that, I will be stronger...

It is time

To be in a relationship, no matter what it is, you must be first be ready to sacrifice.
I have come to realize the validity of this statement.
Once, I used to think that it's possible to maintain something at the same time, gaining something new. But then, in the process of maintaining as well as adapting to the new environment, I found it very difficult to do both simultaneously. There might be some who can but I have to admit, I am not that one.
Never have I left home for such a long period before. I did not understand the function and the effect of distance to our daily life and also our mind. In other words, I underestimated the power of distance. Then, i was sad to acknowledge the fact that some of my friends failed to see partially or fully understand the the definition of distance. They still take it lightly and did not bring forth any kinds of action to get a step closer to the meaning and impact of distance. By knowing so, all I can do at the present is to embrace something new. Note that something new here consists of the negative and positive ones.
Leaving my comfort zone into another place for education sake, I met new friends. By doing so, changes came into life. Such changes only took a few months to revel it's effect on my life. I appreciated friends a lot. The ones I met were sincere, fun, true, adventurous, mature and good. All I could say is that it's my privilege to meet people like them. This would be the positive side of my recent changes. Yet, it was always true to say that we gain and lose at the same time. Friends, close friends were at the expanse. I did try to maintain how it used to be but obviously, I failed. Initially, I put the blame on me. However, as time passed, I came to realise that the fault wasn't at all mine. As we all clearly knew that magnificent things such as relationship worked in two directions. By saying so, I would dare say that I fail cause I was the only one who was on the move.
It was tiring and demotivating. As this problem carried on to a certain extend, I gave up. Nevertheless, I was filled with remorse. But then, I knew clearly that all these were part and parcels of life, of growing up. I just have to be ready...
In the entire growing process, different people will be stationed into your life. Get to know them, get along with them. As for the old ones, just let it be.
So, for all my 6 friends who are doing Ausmat with me currently, I do not know what to expect in the future. I no longer have the confidence and the strength to say that our friendship will last. I dare not. No. So what to expect? I do not know.. I do not know...
Noel, Aows, Mei Xin, Jophy, Lining, Weiyi... I do not know what to say for the times to come. But I dare say this: you guys have been good and true friends to me. Thank you.

Technology and Teenagers

Don't get confused. I am not promoting any phones or admiring them.
It was true that a few months back, I longed for a new phone. You can say it was to satisfy my materialistic desire or upgrading myself. Whatever it was, I did want to have a phone.
Now, I can still remember it vividly in my mind that during the time of purchasing a new phone, the great and utmost difficulty was the price. Each of them costed way above 1K. At that time, I wanted to use my own money. Even so, I could feel the aching feeling in my heart using my own money.
But after everything was over, I decided not to get one as my degree education would be very costly and I had to save some money.
After stepping out of the idea of having a new phone and the satisfaction once I really possess one, I came to realise that actually a phone is a phone. You get what I mean? A phone was a phone.
As we all know, the main objective of getting a mobile phone is to be in connection with other people. Apart from that, I personally do not think that a phone has anything to do with it. From the pictures above, i-phones, galaxy this and that, what are they actually for??? Messaging? Phone calling? Yeah.. That's a phone. Online? Game? "App"? Are these the real need of a phone? I mean, if you really love to online, get a laptop. If you really are a game fanatic, get a gameBOY or PSP. If you are crazy for apps.. then I do not know what you should get. Many would say that having a phone is different than having laptop. Well, all I can see is that having a phone that can go online randomly spoils our eyesight, kills many many of our cells and deteriorates the relationship between humans. People who have phones that can access the internet tend to go online both when they are alone and with people around them. I mean, can't you arrange your time so that you can go online properly and hang out with friends properly? Yeah, maybe for those working or businessmen, they should have one as it affects their career directly but for teenagers, nah~ i don't think so there is such a need.
What's worst, it's becoming a trend that everyone teenagers to own a flat piece of black mirror which you can make it work with your fingers. Sounds magical though. xD. Some would sacrifice many many things just to gain one regardless of the price. From this phenomena, I kept asking myself, why??? Why?? Why??
A phone like samsung galaxy or i-phone are very very very very costly. Yet, just to be in the mainstream, teenagers daringly emptied their pocket to replace the cash with a new device. And, they keep changing it. A new one comes, the old one goes. And let me emphasise it here, the old one REALLY goes. To where, God knows.
It is rather sad to know that teenagers, young people today are so manipulated by all sorts of trends. You name it and there is it. Trend, which consists of so much varieties of things, demands it's followers and admirers to spend just to be part of it. Unfortunately, those followers are willing to spend.
In times to come, it's hard to say what would it be for us. You might see a guy who looks very sophisticated with all sorts of gadgets and devices around this entire body. But then, he can't read or write. Is that it?
I certainly hope not.

Far far away.

Since the start of this AUSMAT course, i have been returning home every Friday night.
But for the very first time, last week, i went home on Saturday night, meaning, I only have a day's time at home.
For the second semester, i am obliged to take Malaysian Studies every Saturday morning. So I will have to spend another night in Penang.
When I went back, I met up with my friend, Zhen Kai and Elin.
Our first meeting wasn't a pleasant one as we had some argument but then everything turned out to be ok, just like it used to be.
Sunday morning, as usual, I went to church, helped my mum out with some church stuffs. After that, I went home, took some sleep then proceeded on with Marcus's piano lesson. At around 5pm, I went to play basketball with Zhen Kai at the market place. Very quickly, the time passed and without me knowing it, i was already packing my things, getting ready to go back to Penang. And now I am blogging in Penang.
Though it's just the first time having such a packed time-table, I felt something. Something different.
Penang island is not actually very far but when most of the time is spent there rather than your hometown, everything seems much further apart. When I went back, I felt distance, be it physically or mentally. There was an invisible gap between the place and I, the people and I. Though the feeling wasn't a great one, it was there. And for the first time indeed, I felt as if I was very far away. Very far away from "home". Even when I am back in Penang, the people here, the places, the atmosphere didn't present themselves in a familiar way either. At that moment, I had a small question popping in my head. I asked myself, where I am supposed to be???
It felt strange when you saw your close friends having expression that you didn't see it before yet he was doing it to another friend. Maybe it's sadness, maybe it's mere feeling. Nevertheless, it wasn't comfortable. I wasn't part of them. Never more. The best I could be was a listener. That's the best. Other than that, I guess I din't have what it took to be.
For the past few weeks, I learnt and trained myself to be stronger emotionally. not missing home and friends too much. And I succeeded. But this one, it's something new to me. It created an aching feeling somewhere deep inside me, yet to be found.
I wondered whether it's necessary to be lonely in the road to success? Or, was there any success??
Confusing the future yes.
Nevertheless, what must be done will be done first.
I just hope that the tie between all of us will not break easily, no matter where we are and what we are.
So that's it. The start of semester two. Something new lies ahead. Got to be ready for it, of course.
All the best, guys..